Latino Art Now!

The past couple days I’ve been hearing

My favorite things

A whole lot

Just sound of music

I listened to the soundtrack a little more today

Today was beer bike 2019

I have been so tired these past two or three weeks

Time has been flashing by

I don’t know where it’s going

And because it’s been going by so fast

I don’t feel like myself at all

The other day I hit such a low

I really felt like I couldn’t get back up

But I did

I didn’t think I had a partner for this project

Back against the wall I had like 2 days to figure out what was wrong with it

And how to correct it

And I did

Albeit with adequate help from my friends

But I scrambled

And I was stressed

So fucking stressed my body was just complaining

Then last night I couldn’t sleep

I was stressed again

Why stressed!

It was fucking beer bike!

It was honestly a really lonely experience

Don’t get me wrong

I got lots of great people around me

I was just isolated a lot of the time

And didn’t feel like myself

I don’t know what’s up this is probably the longest I’ve felt like this

I also just had a general disconnect from Luce the whole day I felt

Maybe it was because I was high

But I remember being afraid to bump into her and her friends

I’m not very confident right now

The whole day I was walking around by myself ish

Finding my way

Finding someone who would probably hang with me for a couple of minutes

Problem is I don’t have suitemates who care about this shit

And my previous suitemates that do have new suitemates

Two things

I would be sitting with a group

And slowly everyone will walk and leave

Or together

And I would just be sitting there lmao

Also

Pictures

I get asked to take the picture

Or I’m in a group and they say to take a picture of a group that does not include me

Its fine it was a fun day for sure

But

I just felt so isolated

I had fun

But I felt like I was living someone else’s life

Constantly searching for people

For a connection

I don’t know where I left all my confidence st the door

But I need it back

I’ve been trying to do research for my business venture

I went to an event the other day that honestly scared the shit out of me

But I did it

Walked into the event for much older people as the youngest

Alone

And made new friends saw old friends

Was cool

Reinforced my philosophy that you should always go out

I’m so tired

So sleep deprived probably

Everything’s off

And I have more work

Still don’t know about housing for NYC

Still don’t know where I’m going to be in March

Which is a literal month away

Fuck me

This is all too much

I feel like I’m losing my connection with lucy

Everything is fueled by mutual interest

Like you don’t feel passionate about something unless somehow it gave you a response back

Some sort of attention given

And I just don’t feel like I’m very high on her totem pole

And I think I need more time to develop

I feel so young next to her

And I think I need a year to grow the fuck up

But I finished my project

I can do it

Even if the deadlines right there

I can do it

Not dead means I’m alive

I’m so tired

Gonna sleep

Not gonna set an alarm

Going to talk to Luce about it

Probably about separation

We’ll see how it goes

I just want to see her again

I haven’t really been able to see her at all

Last time I saw her I stayed over and met her high school friend who just happened to stay over d

Jail break was that night

Where my residential college goes to hers and makes a ton of noise in the night

We did it a day early at 3

We both really needed to sleep but it was like 2:30 so I just could not

Felt like a traitor being in the belly of the beast while listening to my college’s theme song play outside

Mmmbop

By Hansen

Okay good night

I finished love death robots

Was not particularly impressed

Need better stories

Some of these

Like fish night and the werewolf one

Were fucking terrible lmao

Periwinkle Malloc

I’ve fucked up

I have learned from now on

Don’t trust anyone to do your work

Do it yourself

This is the most stressed out I’ve been

I’m afraid I’m not going to finish my project

I let my partner do it

Because she said she could do it

And she just broke down crying

And I broke down crying

And she wouldn’t turn back when I yelled at her

This has been the shittiest week of the year

I’ve just been in a funk since I’ve got back from NYC

I haven’t been able to spend any time with lucy

I’ve been working a lot on all my extracurriculars and they are moving grandly

But my actual school work is ass

So bad

I’ve been neglecting it

Because I’ve felt so burned out

I don’t want to live life like this

I am so fucking stressed out

My mind cannot comprehend why I cannot spend time with the person I want to

Because of a computer project

Life does not work like that for me

I worry

I don’t want to lose her

And I understand that there are plenty of people out there

But it hurts nonetheless losing someone you love

And I’m struggling with that

I’m also struggling because it is Willy Week

The week before beer bike

Or Christmas as they say

It’s stressing me the fuck out

Because it’s all centered around the residential college

And I am not connected at all to my residential college

Beer bike is centered around drinking

And I don’t really anymore

Fuck I had a little class of champagne that made me woozy the other day

I just need a fucking break

From everything maybe

But then I get lonely

Well fuck me

What do you fucking want

What would make me happy

I have a great startup idea

Well that’s all fine and dandy

I’m feeling terrible

Especially because my partner is my orientation week freshman from last year

It makes me so sad that I have put so much pressure on her

This major is fucking crazy

The amount of everything it demands from people

I can’t imagine I have another year

That’s just insane

Lucy doesn’t really feel negative emotions

She attributes it to breaking her neck

Getting hit by that car

So she really hasn’t felt much negative emotion with me

Except that our interactions stress her the fuck out

I think we need to stop

If our interactions stress each other out

Why the fuck are we still together

I’m in so many things right now that are just fucked that I shouldn’t be

I hate it

I want to stop

I can’t stop

I need to keep pushing until next Monday

Next Monday everything will be over

It’ll actually just be clear skies for like

A day

Where I’ll probably see lucy in a very new happy wow everything is great light

Because she’ll be back to normal without her big project

And I will too hopefully

I think I’m going to crash and burn a little here for real

Like I think I’m not going to make it out of this week well

But it’s fine

I’m fine

I just have to keep trying

But fuck me it’s messing with my mind

I’m so drained

I came home

And I just cried for like 10 minutes straight

I’ve called my best friends from home

Called my mom

I just need a fucking break

I wish things were just smoother

Like the two days before spring break

It was just Luce and I and we had her whole dorm to ourselves

I wish I could go back to the camp

Where the trees were wavy

Fuck this shit

I need to rest so I can keep going tomorrow

But I’m very afraid I won’t finish

I’ll try

But I’m afraid

Love, Death + Robots

The photo was from last night but I’m still thinking about it

She got me the rice

Today was rather free for me ironically

I have this huge assignment due soon

Next week is Willy Week

The week leading up to the annual beer bike

I’m not the biggest fan of beer bike

Probably because it’s oriented around your residential college

And I really am not that close to my residential college

After a couple of years I still feel like an outsider

Not completely

But like the cousin that doesn’t fit in

I didn’t have a great day

Because I don’t know what to do with my situation

I really really goddamn care for this girl

Feelings change over time and I really might not feel that in a couple of months

And maybe instead of giving the relationship more tries

We should give not a relationship a try

I don’t feel as committed because I feel like she’s not feeling it

But I do believe we still have that connection

I still believe that she knows me

I’m in turmoil

So much so that I forget that we started everything because we had so much fun

We laughed through everything

I just don’t want that to end

I’m afraid that one day I’ll be the only one laughing

And she won’t be into it anymore

I’m afraid

Of a lot of things right now

My startup idea seems promising

But I’m afraid

That it’ll just be another of my flops

I’m just afraid of losing her

I know for a fact that my life doesn’t revolve around one person

But she is so important to me

I’m not sure why

Like

I did a lot today

But it felt inconsequential

Because no part of it was spent with her

I watched an improv play thing

Where they did 30 mini plays in an hour

It was fun

Very fun

They had one where it was like the giving tree except it was a car

They had one where they squirted people with water guns if they didn’t do what they said

It was fun and I was laughing

I called my best friend

Told him I was going to define the future haha

Like I always do

But this time it felt right

He agreed

He’s heard a lot of my bullshit

There is potential

But all that didn’t really give me the fulfillment

I had a toast

Had a little bit of champagne

Just a tiny bit and I immediately felt it haha

Crazy shit

My body has like no capability to break down alcohol

I think we sped into a relationship

Like a dating relationship

The conventional relationship

Even though we are the opposite of that

Opposite of normal

I think that might have fucked things a little bit

The tv show is interesting

The one that gets the title

I think it’s really interesting

I think anthologies are the future

Until we get tired of them

And we swing back

I’m building technology for the next generation

To help them grow up with ownership of the tech around them

And not just be born into a world rampant with tech

I am meeting tomorrow with an entrepreneurship professor

But I’m pretty committed to this

Very excited about it

Very passionate

And I feel like it is the world

I let the world do what the world wants a lot of the time

And I just stumbled into this

I stumble into a lot of things

I trust the world

I do love this girl

And I feel like at some point we’re going to have to leave each other

I have a feeling

And that just sucks

But that love

I think

Will always be there

That connection

From idk where

I think that will stay

But we never know

Zubomafoo

Who Are We This Time?

Where do I find purpose

Where do I find fulfillment

Will I ever know?

These questions have been consistent in my writings

I have my retainers on

Damn I haven’t had them on in a long time

Teeth gon hurt in the morn

What am I afraid of?

Probably definitely loneliness

Is it fulfillment when I omit what makes me afraid?

I don’t know if I am deluded

I think I’ve lost myself a little this week

Time is flying past and it’s making me anxious

I want to graduate

And get on with my life

I can’t comprehend how I still have another whole year

This year has honestly felt like my whole life

I’ve been such a different person this year

Grown so much

I just can’t comprehend how I still need to be here for another year

But I think it pains me a lot that she isn’t going to be here

And that she doesn’t think there’s a future to it

It in turn makes me feel less optimistic

And be less into it

But I do love this person

I mean,

I’m getting emotional rn

Tears

Because I told her I was frustrated with her this week

And I genuinely was at times

Because I wasn’t getting any time with her

And I felt like she was saying I could see her

But she had to work until so late

And then wake up so early

We don’t see each other in the day

We don’t do anything in the day

We’re too busy

Too much work

I want to see her in the day

But we can’t

Too much work

Fuck the work

I enjoy the work but it’s too much work

She’s been struggling with communication with her project partner

The project is all she can think about

And I guess I just give her space to deal with it?

I’m learning

I’ve never had to work with this

Someone being this level of busy

In other news

Lonzo ball is not BBB anymore I don’t think

He’s switching from his brand

The Big Baller Brand

To

Nike

After BBB co owner caught for not being able to account for 1.5 mill

I only have about s month left or so with her

Which is fine

I’m just frustrated with myself

And life

I don’t know what to do

I’m lacking confidence

I’m not sure why

I’m founding a startup

And I think that’s made everything topsy turvy

Made a logo today

It looks pretty good

She said everyone was frustrated with her

And that hurt

Because I am frustrated

But I’m trying

And I hate when she’s hurt

And I feel like I hurt her

Not a great sitch

I just want time

To sit down at night

At a regular time like 10 – 11

Watch something short maybe

Talk about our day

With the lights out

And go to sleep nice and easy

I really like movies

I am so tired

I need to go to sleep

Slept so much today

And yesterday

Yesterday I went and watched an NCAA tourney game

Our women’s team made it

And almost made it to the next round too

I jinxed it

We were up with 2 min left

And I felt this feeling

So I said it

I said ‘we’re going to the next round!’

And we were fucked from then on

Next year we will be better

For sure

It was a great experience though

At Texas A&M

Really liked the school

She didn’t message me before bed today

First time in a long time

We’ll figure shit out

Good night

Sweet dreams

What do you have for breakfast? / ColSize RowSize / THE CUBE

Today was truly a holy fuck of a day

Just beautiful

Carcinogens from the fire still dancing around in the air

But I loved the weather

I’ve had a funky couple of days

I learned that someone had talked behind my back on my trip

And that kind of put a damper on things

As much as I didn’t want it to

I felt like I had been emotionally taken advantage of

The person has been reported

I also had a parallelism project that just wasn’t passing

It just kept on getting stuck

My indices were wrong

And I couldn’t get the code to speed up enough

But I didn’t give up hope

It looked pretty hopeless at times

It was demoralizing

I had heard people get it in a couple of hours

I spent like two days

Just shifting variables around

I was so confused

But I got it

It worked and I actually got it finished the day it was due

Pretty amazing

And I did a lot of the project by myself

Glad I stuck to it

Today I was talking to Travis and his girlfriend Emily

During dinner

And we started talking about how I met Emily

Because we all couldn’t remember a specific incident

But Travis does remember that we all got pho together once

Him and esh and Emily and I

I was like wtf

I didn’t remember that

I remembered going to the store but not with them specifically

So I scrolled through this blog to see if that was true haha

Couldn’t find much except I didn’t get trav and esh gifts and I had an IOU

But I dig the memory of that restaurant back up

Not completely

But parts

Like I remembered someone saying that the mystery flavor of a lollipop was from the ends of all the candy

And they just mix it up or something

It was from a TV show like ‘how it’s made’

Travis said he knew about it

And very possibly could have said it

So it all makes sense

I’ve been telling everyone about my business idea

Right now it’s an idea

A target audience I think I’m working to define

But I’ve come up with s vague product

It’s gotta be a long term thing

It grows up with your kid

It’s a cube

4 sides each side different

First play where you can read or watch tv

Second create where you draw or code or whatever

Third is you- this is your dashboard

Fourth – the portal

We will hage a customized encyclopedia

Interactive

So they can learn about the world

There is also a detachable thing on top

That kids can bring places

And it will collect metadata that they can bring back to their cube

I’ll talk more about it

But I’m exhausted

Like about to fall asleep

Going to watch rice women play against Marquette in the NCAA’s

College station

It’ll be exciting it’s the first round

I’m talking to a lot of people about thstartup

Going to wework labs opening on tues

Hopefully we get the ball rolling with someone

Peace

The Chemical Fire

Yesterday I was in a good place

Today not so much

I don’t really know what’s up

I think every time I come back here

I have this period of uneasiness

Like who are my people here

What is my purpose

My comp homework stresses me out

Especially when I get really close to a deadline

And I just really can’t figure shit out

It kills

Panic ensues

I am not feeling great

Direct correlation with this girl

and she’s stressed out right now

Tons of work

So therefore I am too

I also have this project I can’t finish

Which pisses me off man

I don’t know

Lost once again

Transitions right I wrote about this before

Any transition brings a low

I’m so tired I feel like I’m legit high

School is ending

And I don’t want it to

I want the projects to stop

But I want my people to stay

One of my best friends here got Fulbright

And he’s going to have the trip of his life

Very exciting

I have a business idea

I don’t know if I’ve talked about it yet

Periwinkle

Basically products for our generation as adults

Generation Z and on

See people keep making products for people now

And they’re mistaken

People don’t need new things

They need stable things

This whole 20 year or so era has been the transition stage

Innovation isn’t eternal

We will plateau and be content with our innovations at some point

And then people will need new tech for stability

Things that don’t necessarily excite anymore

But are just there digitally to serve a need

I don’t think I’m making much sense

And I need to refine the pitch

But

I just fell asleep for a second

I hate feeling rushed

But I’m about to create a business to cater to the needs of our generation as adults

We need different products

I’m going to start from the tech we use to raise our children

There is literally no brand out there for that yet

Children’s tech is either leapfrog or an iPad

There needs to be a mix

I’m going to start there I think it will work

Second is memories

I’m falling asleep I’ll talk about this later

But remember the name!

Periwinkle

Tiny Dancer / Goodbye Blue Monday / I Absolutely Love you

I am on an Uber to the airport

Newark airport

4:23 am

Slept for like 2 hours

Separating yesterday from today

It’s crunch time

The finish line is in sight

Which is fucking nuts

And I definitely dont want it to be like that

For the first time I think

I’m not directly looking forward to summer being so close

There’s someone on the aux

And the selection of songs have been great

Really has fit the feeling

That the trip

Our trip

Marginalized Minds- Homelessness x Mental Health

Is going to be over in a couple of hours

NYC has been a very mixed bag

Remember when I went to Chicago and wanted to move there

I didn’t quite feel the same

Now that I’ve spent a whole week

I feel like I can say that that’s how I feel right now

Which is strange since I was born here

I feel like

I will feel more ownership

Feel like part of the city

When I get to spend more time here

I think it’s largely due to the fact that it’s so unpredictable

Not in the best way

And that the people aren’t the best

It’s like the people are all characters of some strange book

I’ve been reading a strange book

Breakfast of Champions

What is funny is

Strange

Is that the style of expression is kind of really similar to how I write these

We had a rough week in terms of content we had to be privy to

Usually the things you could become privy to could be

A new academic subject during class

A new piece of gossip

Or some news event

Like the mosque attack in New Zealand that had killed now up to 50

But this week

We were privy to details in people’s lives

People of a common condition but hidden away

So that genuine interactions are rare

We were privy to how these people were treated

From the tip top of the city

Privy to the conditions that these people of the common condition

That is homelessness

Are living under now

The right to shelter

In my opinion it’s not efficient

Valiant sure

A heroic effort for NYC to take on a job no one else would

The common condition has a stigma see

Especially when almost half of the population deals with mental illnesses

But the system is flawed because NYC simply does not have shelter

I’ve been talking about that

No confidence votes

Mean that you don’t think the person has the ability or capacity to do what they are promising

And that is a crime?

I could do with a fact check

But the last time I became privy to this information

If you know you can’t provide the right services

But still say you can

You are swindling someone

And that is a crime

NYC has no ability to shelter

I feel like I can safely say that

Because I feel like when they say right to shelter

They also promise permanent shelter

And that is not much of an option at all

Chicken Kebob Gate

I’m still in NYC in a creepy church

Maybe not so creepy anymore

I have an exclusive contract with one of my new friends here

We go downstairs together if we need to pee

Because the restroom is downstairs

It’s been a wild couple of days

I’ve had good times for sure

But also frustrating times

I’ve taken it with a grain of salt

Since it’s a trip

And a transition

A move

So I feel like I gotta brace and just give it a while

Give everything a chance

And try my best

I’ve found out that

If I don’t give my all

And give something truly a chance

I’ll never see what it could have become

Today was difficult at times as was yesterday

I don’t completely agree with the style of leadership here

It’s organized but spontaneous on a whim

Depending on what the leader is thinking

And I really can’t deal with that

I either need a schedule or freedom

Not anything in between

She preaches maximizing efficiency

But I think she’s in her head too much

And she definitely tries to get our opinion

On what to do

But I still think it’s too much her

And sometimes I feel like I’m just getting dragged along

These are all things I think in my head

But don’t say out loud

Half formed opinions

Leaving space for time to change them

But it’s difficult

I feel like her charisma is forced

I feel like she is kind of awkward

She definitely is smart

But it’s just not my speed

I’m more organic

She gets what she wants though

And I often don’t

Maybe I gotta force the issue more

We’ve been talking to people about homelessness

I have a lot of notes on it

Homelessness and mental health

I think

And I posit

And I believe this applies to many different things

That there are two main populations with mental health issues that end up homeless

One that are “adult children” with chronic mental health issues from genetic causes

That we’re left behind or left their families

Others are more like you and me

People that we’re living life and then stumbled

Fell

And slippery sloped down into this condition

And developed mental health issues on the way

My aunt was like that she was born with a condition

That made it hard for her mentally and physically to sustain herself

I think the solutions for these two parties are really difficult

Because how can these people with less mental capabilities get normal jobs

Or even sustain themselves individually

They might not have the capacity to

I think the distinction has to be made

I’m going to learn more about it

Ask more about it

We’ve met with

The Bridge

Care for the Homeless (Susan’s Place)

And NAMI NYC

All interesting places

With different personalities

We’re getting different pieces of this issue

And it’s really interesting

The response to NAMI was divergent

I really enjoyed visiting them

We talked with the facilitators of support groups

The dissenters of the visit pointed out that

It was a pin prick of a solution to a huge as fuck problem

I really enjoyed the extra viewpoint though

I felt like it was a smaller community that we had a rare interaction with

Like an anthology series but an origin story of a smaller character

Not too relevant

But still very interesting to see how it ties in a little

They mainly worked with the families of those with mental illnesses

To encourage them not to burn out

And keep on taking care of their loved ones

Preventative

Because those mentally ill

Could end up on the streets

Or afflict self harm

And also gave them a safe space

And community

The families that is

To talk and vent and share about what they are dealing with

I thought it was interesting

I feel like I’ve gotten so sucked into this trip it’s taken over my life

These people

This cause

This place- New York City

I’m adapting to so much I’ve kind of left my life in houston

But last night I sat up thinking about May

And how I was going to have to decide real soon what I wanted to do

I think I’m going to go home

I’ll get to see my grandma

And drive

And prepare my business plan for Periwinkle

I think if I get more feedback

And people like the idea

Which so far people really do

I’ll go full in

But after I find a job first

And travel to Australia maybe

New Zealand

Luce is going to be in Japan

Maybe she can leave early and spend some time in Taiwan

That would be a ton of fun

Esp if I can drive all around

And we can go to Taipei and Kenting

Sun Moon

That would be wild

I don’t know

Times moving too fast

I sat for an hour maybe last night just thinking about May

Got excited about it

Today I was sitting in my meeting

And I was asking questions and getting answers

So I was excited about that too

But I was thinking about the business

And I really do think there’s potential for once

I’m afraid that I’ll be a bust

That I’ll never find a good idea

But I genuinely do think

That if there’s any idea

And timing is fucking everything

This timing is golden

If I can find the right people

Tomorrow we’re going to be interacting with more clients

And I’m looking forward to that

Because we haven’t gotten to do that much

We’ve just been talking to people that work in organizations that work with people that experience homelessness

And for me that’s been adequate so far

But tmrs a good time to start doing something different maybe

We’ve run around NYC a little too

I’ve had my race mentioned a couple of times

And not just race

But specifically where I’m from

Interesting I’ve had some good food

Seen some really cool things

The architecture here is insane

I think

And this is preliminary

Because I still feel loyalty to NYC

I think I like chicagos vibe more

I think people are rude here

We were in the Disney store today

And they had this photo booth for the new marvel movie

This woman was like come take a photo

It’s 10 bucks

And we were like 10 bucks!!

My friend was like we can’t we’re college students!

And the employees just snickered at us

And were like surprised

They were like “you can’t pay 10 bucks for a photo?”

I thought that was very strange

Maybe things are just more expensive here

But especially in a Disney store haha

I need to rest

Took me two coffees to get through the day today

But I did

Did well asked good questions and learned a lot

Trying to catch up on lecture videos and I just can’t really follow assembly code

Complicated bit ands and xors and stuff

I need to sit down and not be around people dancing to Promiscuous

Cracking backs

Checking sleeping bags for bed bugs

I’ll figure the shit out when I get back

I felt like I needed my space today

Or just something other than this trip

Felt suffocating because at times I was really not enjoying it

But I was like why

I should be

I’m in fucking NYC for christs sakes

But I am learning and I am getting to know these people

And investigating the issue

And having ice cream with boba

I miss Taiwan