Princess Dog

In the city of Taoyuan

It’s hella late

Almost got in a car accident today

Friend Matt is a new driver and Jesús he turned when there was a car coming straight at us

I think both sides though each side would stop- I was honestly pretty surprised when he didn’t

We were so damn close lmao

Had a little barbecue get together yesterday

I drove up the island by myself

It was the longest trip I’ve ever done by myself – about 3 hours

But hella traffic because of the extended weekend and people trying to get home

I liked it – listened to the Impossible Food, Stripe, and Eventbrite How I Built This podcast episodes

Felt sleepy to start the trip but I think the changing scenery and traffic situation kept me awake

Cool that I get to just travel between cities whenever I want now I love that freedom

Can’t wait to do that in other places

At Matt’s place, staying for a second night

Barbecue was fun, got trounced by the tiniest bit of alcohol

Just one vodka shot and like most of a thing of beer

That’s it LMAO I had to take a nap, and proceeded to have the worst headache through the night

I hate these headaches they just kill

It’s like a hangover the night of and you can’t escape the pain except to sleep but you can’t sleep because of the pain haha

Having a good time with my three best friends

I’m glad I have these people

Went to an outlet to eat today, also played some poker, where I won some money

I don’t think I’m terrible at it I could be decent

I feel like whenever you start doing something, like a habit or activity

You kinda get a gauge of how good you could get

Based off of like how interested you are when you do it, how much you feel like learning after you do it, how much success you get in doing it

I think I could get decent at poker

My acting background also helps I think

I need to get back to working out

I like being fit and looking fit

It just hasn’t yielded anything bad

It boosts your confidence and everyone comments on it

The other thing is that it leads to opportunities – networking in the weight room is pretty huge

I’ve met so many good people through just being in the weight room lmao

Literally met the son of the guy I’m trying to get a job from in the weight room two days ago

Getting a little sense of stability, and excited to get back to more or less real life

As my 7 days of caution after my 14 quarantine days end, I feel like I’ll slowly acclimate to life beyond COVID

I was kind of uncomfortable at the outlet mall today- really much so when someone stood like a foot away from me

About to rest, but reflecting on how this has been a nice interlude

I’m coming to terms of where I am in life, breathing a bit as I get away from COVID

Watched the midnight gospel episode again where the prisoner learns to escape

Really cool stuff

Tried to light a cockroach on fire with a blowtorch lol

Terrace House still amazing love Opening New Doors

Excited for doors to open for me too, crossing my fingers

Dwan Wu Jie

This is one of those days where

I’m not feeling something absolutely crazy

But I’m deciding to write down stuff

And the stuff that I write down

If I hadn’t written them down- just would have been lost forever

Like the massage that my dad and I got

Full body massage, lady was like standing on my back, slipping off my butt and all

It was a good time

Best massage so far in my life, from masseuse #30 lmao

But I had fun with my dad

It’s been a good time with my dad

Relationship hasn’t always been the best, but we’ve been talking about some pretty gritty stuff as I’ve gotten older

He isn’t one to hold back on the details

Today I found out about affairs and church drama that I didn’t think was possible

Or I knew was possible but didn’t think my dad was so on the in with

Condoms and worship teams and shit like was a weird conversation with my dad

He’s been crossed by a lot of people

I’ve had the privilege of meeting good people that generally don’t do that to me

We talked for hours just sitting around, after we watched this Midnight Diner episode

He also had his assistant cook me some food- there wasn’t much meat because the beef was cooked too long it was hard

Went to Starbucks with my best friend since middle school

Was a good time am reading Slaughterhouse Five

Shit made me laugh a couple of times- got some pomelo mint cold brew which was the worst coffee I’ve had in my life

Starting to work out again and it’s really just what I need in my life

I really need to work on my posture- the massage lady #30 told me I got an old persons back

Which sad and I can tell too

Worked out today and bumped into the son of the guy I want to work for

Coincidence? Idk haha

In other news, in startup news, this thing

👁👄👁

It is what it is

Kind of a shallow marketing tactic just abusing people’s weakness to want to be part of something exclusive

Ultimate case study on an invite system and secrecy creating hype

Weird stuff- coronavirus has infected 5.6% of the NBA players

They’re playing in a “bubble” at DisneyWorld

Texas is going down, the bars are finally re closing

Everything’s such a shit show in America in terms of COVID right now

They’ve given up and it’s tough to watch

I’m grateful I’m away from it and able to live my life tbh

I think I’m used to being around people already

If I was in America I would still be shell shocked

I think the people look different enough and act different enough around me that I don’t feel the similarities at all

They look and stare – I forgot how weird it is to be a foreigner in a rural town

People look at you and think you’re an alien

Your ego swells you start thinking you’re real special fr

Need to get back to a routine, Hope I do get some type of work

Reason I’m working on my startup stuff so hard is because my back is against the wall

This is kinda all I got to my name you know

So I gotta make it work

Stomach’s rumbling and I don’t know if it’s the non lactose free milk I drank today

Testing to see if US Milk is like laced and milk here is safe haha

Although I feel more acclimated to the freedom already

I still feel a need to be alone and shut in

Like everytime I come home I expect to be shut in for a while

I just don’t think the idea of having a normal life is settled yet

Living it when I’m out I’m alright

But in my head I’m still just stuck in quarantine mode

Strange

Family Eclipse

I’m done with quarantine

I’m free

Yesterday I was stupid

I stared into a solar eclipse

I thought I burned my eyes out

I still don’t know if I really hurt my eyes

But I was scared that I was stupid and I permanently fucked my eyes up

I’m not in the most fantastic place

Although today was the last day I felt no excitement really

I had an interview today with a startup program

I felt like it was rough

I felt like I didn’t know anything and had no plans and couldn’t answer the lady’s questions about specifics

Fondue isn’t doing well- I’m the only person who is full time and really cares

Being an entrepreneur is hell tbh

It’s not a fun job – I don’t know why people do it apart from liking the pain and pressure

There are so many other ways to create new things that are more fulfilling

Being an entrepreneur is just a lonely, prickly path

PRICKLY

Talked to Hannah yesterday and today

Called her about her getting her dad a hunting bag for Father’s Day

She was driving her family’s new BMW convertible

Eating a stick of Mentos that she flung out the car at some point

She showed me around her home

She read 40 Rules of Love and talked to her sister right, and I think her view of me changed after that talk

She kept on calling me a friend

Kids, if you’re reading this- if she starts doing that haha something different she’s changed

It’s not likr I want a relationship

I just crave stability and I have hated being alone

We aren’t that compatible even I know that

We don’t laugh at the same memes, and I feel like we are on fundamentally different wavelengths in terms of energy levels

The problem lies in the fact that we’re too similar

I’ve had this problem before- when you’re too similar you start fussing about who’s the right version of similar

You start bickering about which minor differences are more right and start trying to convince the other person

It’s also because we’re both very accomplishment based

She’s gotten to her accomplishment and she’s in the stage of life where she’s relishing it

It’s a new beginning and she’s excited, as she completely should be

I haven’t gotten my accomplishment that I crave, and so I’m frustrated

And I think talking to her makes me take out my frustration on her- it also makes it more glaring that I haven’t achieved my accomplishment

Projections onto each other – she understands and like pities me and tries to give advice but I don’t want that

Or do I? Am I willing to act like I don’t mind just to not be alone and have a support system?

I’m really tired right now, but this has just been on my mind

My body’s feeling better – I was so afraid yesterday of going blind

I prayed genuinely to God and I also started listening to this podcast episode about how a guy thrived after he lost his sight

Cried to my mom today after my interview

This past year I’ve just felt like a failure

I haven’t gotten any job offers, and felt like in almost every interview, I was disliked

Not unqualified, but I just actually felt like some person had a personal vendetta against me

Or was biased against me I don’t know why

Nonetheless, I have seen my self worth plummet and feel like I’ve failed

Which is not healthy and says a lot about my ego and how it is tied into my accomplishments

But sometimes you feel what you feel and sometimes you just gotta cry to your mom

Those are facts

I’m excited to get out of my apartment

I don’t know what I want from Hannah, because I don’t think we match

We butt heads way too much, and in a not so great way- like I don’t want to talk to her when she disagrees with me and starts making assumptions

One of my favorite songs is Either by like Poo Bear or some shit

But it describes what I feel at the end of any relationship perfectly- you’re stuck wanting to leave but also wanting to stay

I think I need to leave, but I also want to find a way to have us stay

Will figure it out, but lord I think my long journey might be coming to an end

ItExcited to see where I can go with my projects- came up with a new social network idea and have been floating it around with my friends

That’s it for now, crashing. I do miss Hannah and want to have more dates and fun with her, I didn’t feel like I got enough of her in person

But look right- it is what it is

And so it goes

Juneteenth

Couldn’t go to sleep

Crying

Shoulders tense, neck stiff, tears rolling

Mind racing

Space Song

Apocalypse

Tokyo Drifting

Phoenix rising

Haven’t thought about Lara for a while

Have been pushing that back because I’ve gotten closer to Hannah

But it was really less than 2 months ago

I think I poured a lot of myself into her

Did all the little cute things

We would lick each other’s noses

I would pat down her hair

Her little idiosyncrasies

I really grew to love and appreciate

She was a feisty one

Bold

She did not give two fucks she would just go for it, loud and wild

Wouldn’t hesitate to call me a dumb fuck

I enjoyed all that

I hate to say that I’m not over her

Because I don’t ever think you’re truly truly ever over people

I mean how can you be?

Usually when you’re using that phrase you’re talking about getting over someone who was probably important

And if that person was probably important

How the fuck could you possibly just get over them

A part of that person will live on

A part of that person will still be preserved in some sort of fashion in some corner of your mind

Whether it be a special song or a memento or an idea you shared

Some days I feel like life is pointless

When things just aren’t going anywhere

And you’re just kind of existing

I understand what jail is like

After being confined for this time

And having my freedom to some degree curtailed for months at this point

I don’t even feel like a full human sometimes

It’s hard to when days for you are so much less than those around you

I look outside and I feel more whole

I look at the traffic lights reflecting on buildings and I feel like I’m part of society

I don’t know what a community would feel like

I feel like I’ve spent the last couple months in the literal apocalypse

And I’m going to be honest have no idea if I’m going to be good just out in the world

Will definitely get back into the swing of things fast

But Jesus this was a journey, this part of my life

The other thing too, is that it is just kind of wild that this is the timeline that we’ve gone down

This is my life

I don’t see an easy way out of COVID

It’s not that I don’t have hope or am just being negative- but it’s so wild how this thing has just wiped so many good months of life out

Or not wiped them out, but so drastically put a shroud of sadness over it

I am sad like that’s just the nature of it

Feel as if everything I do now is just to fill a hole, make up for the feelings of missing out

The thing is, I don’t think everyone is thinking this- I feel like a lot of people are with their loved ones in America

And with their friends in normal life in the homeland

It’s just tough being by myself and being still isolated

But hey- if I’m not dead, I’m still alive right haha

Yabai

Yeah well I think for sure I am scared

I am about 10 days in

Apparently usually for younger people it hits on the 10th or 12th day

The thing is I’m not sure right

Not sure if I’m feeling shitty because of working weeks without weekends

Quadruple w alliteration there – impressive

Working weary weeks without weekends when worried

That’s probably a ton of stress right

I have that autoimmune thing and it does flare

That’s the interesting thing is that people say

“I know my own body best”

And I never knew what that really fucking meant like – yeah of course but

Now I understand

Like I do think this is just a flare

But with the COVID And the recklessness I was involved in before I got back home

Just the dumbassery – letting my guard down

Just tough to not think that it might be it

Especially because it is kind of out of the ordinary for me to be this badly reacting

Have had a headache for a couple of days

And just muscle pains and also more or less tired not to the point of fatigue though

No fever you know but just lots of stress

Fondue is a worrisome baby

I want fondue to succeed so I have proof that I made a product that people use

Something to come out of the quarantine and into the next recruiting cycle being like

LOOK! I am a different candidate I fucking stand out!

I’m learning a lot

Learning a lot about being an entrepreneur like the logistical practical product side of things

What to prioritize your time on type of things

But also how I can handle the stress physically and emotionally type of things

Like me as a person – Sam- how does my body react in this situation under high pressure to perform in this capacity

Important to know; I set a schedule for myself yesterday

Don’t know if I’ll follow it but the main idea I’m taking away is having work and life separation

I need to have mandatory like rest hours

I think I’m going to be okay

But yeah fondue is a shit show I don’t know if it should be a platform

I don’t know how it would be a platform since we don’t do match making

Or if it would just be a polished tool and product that people end up on

Which is fine and potentially makes it ripe for acquisition but hard to fucking scale

Applied to an accelerator and hopefully they can help

Also our core experience got posted before us by a fucking 17 year old

So here I am out here, thinking about recruiting a 17 year old to join the team lmao

Great stuff

Talking to Hannah more I think we’re getting closer talking more naturally

I still think my feelings are closed off to me bc they were deded after Lara

Talked to Lucy too today and man I still feel that connection

It’s like talking to a long lost whatever it just feels like honestly it feels like family

She’s dealing with her own relationship shit and to be honest I’m just happy to talk to her freely about this stuff without it being uncomfortable

I have a headache

Muscle pain around my arm and back which I’ve never really felt before

Investigative journaling lmao – oh shit have you heard of All Gas No Breaks

Man if my kids are reading this go to some Wayback Machine and just watch his vids

Crazy shit

Okay gonna sleep and hope I wake up good tmr lol

Into the lions den we go man I am so close

And oh been having vivid dreams

I have this recurring dream format where like I got casted for a músical but I forgot and suddenly it’s like performance day but I realize I don’t actually know all my lines

It’s fucking terrifying – last one was in like a nice band practice hall and they told me that had an extra day

Also dreamt of Hannah and her family and this wild house where like there was a pool table slide and a whole ass Costco like warehouse marketplace attached to their second floor

Dream of school a lot – also had a huge tornado at my old elementary school’s gates

Yesterday I took melatonin and I got jolted awake by some nightmare as I have been having recently

And I felt like there were like straight up evil spirits in the room – it felt like when you get sleep paralysis and you feel like there’s some presence

It’s like you wake up in a realm you’re not supposed to – wild stuff

I prayed, and I will pray tonight again bc I need strength to get me out of this quarantine and out of this migraine headache

May God keep me safe and healthy, fr fr!

Apocalypse Hawaii

It’s not nighttime but I’m writing this because I’m feeling a lot

I’m four days into my mandatory quarantine upon getting home

And I’m just starting to feel like I’m losing my mind a little bit

Caged in

It’s partly the uncertainties ahead that are frightening me

But it’s also the shit I went through the last couple of months

For the first time I feel like I am a bit traumatized

The past couple of months have been a lot

Lonely

I’ve been moving from place to place, person to person- alone

Outwardly seeming like I’m enjoying the ride at times

And honestly have at many points

But deeply feeling like I need care and love

I’ve kind of forgotten what that feels like

Along with some sense of stability

Ever since the pandemic hit in March and my life got turned on it’s head

I think I’ve had difficulties accepting the fact

Everything seems improvised – which is fine – but everything normal now seems abnormal

I see stories of my friends who got home way earlier than I out and about, doing normal things

Eating in restaurants, playing pool, laughing with old friends at nice cabins

But I am still trapped inside

I still have 10 more days

10 more days until I am physically free to do whatever I want to do, free of worry of the COVID

But mentally I still feel shackled

Shackled about the journey that I’ve gone through and the inability to describe and share what that felt like

Going from being a proud graduate to hopping apartments waiting for months for a flight that isn’t cancelled so that I can go home

The multiple people that I’ve shuffled through

Sharing genuine thoughts, but feeling rather empty in the effervescence of it all

The Latitude Med Center

That place feels like a dream

Different people I stayed with will know bits and pieces of my story there, but only I will know the entirety

Some days where I spent just staring out the window, crying

And yes- I did choose this path – I did choose not to go into emergency mode and go home once I found out everything was shutting down

And maybe that’s where part of the confusion comes in too

That I wouldn’t have chosen to do that even if I was given the chance to relive this 10 times

I live for the precarious adventure and bond I feel with people in troubles times or unusual times

Sometimes I quietly wish for the worst case scenario-

Terrible, I know, but for me it is a thrill

And so the confusion right? I brought this upon myself yet here I am, feeling drained and lonely

It’s the path I’ve chosen

I do think a big part of my fear is not knowing when my aloneness will end

I yearn for a deep human connection and love and happiness – but one that lasts

And don’t see myself in a situation that allows for that anytime soon

I am only here for 6 months- then I go back

Back to where? I have no idea!

No city set in stone, no destination that is determined

Got a proposition last night to go live on the beachfront in Hawaii for a minimal cost

Most people would be surprised, or excited at such a proposition

I’m going to be honest, I was shocked and scared

I don’t know if I can keep jumping around alone into places that don’t feel like home

Foreign people and foreign places

But that precisely is also something that I am learning

Whenever I do feel like I am losing my mind and I am feeling lost

I just have to make my home wherever I am

Sometimes that means standing up, cleaning a bit, and setting more of a stable routine that allows for more structure

Sometimes that means tweaking the lighting in the room a bit to make the ambiance warmer and more comforting

Sometimes that means listening to some familiar music and learning a song that wraps around you and helps you hear what you’re feeling

But you can always make wherever you are your home – once you do you stop freaking out

The spiral slows even you’re still doing the same foreign things every day

Here in quarantine I pick up food from the door from my father, cook simple stuff once in a while, read on my Kindle, meet people for fondue, research ideas for fondue, dance in front of a mirror after I workout, blaring music loud that I know the neighbors are alarmed to be hearing

But through doing those things I am still trying to constrain them to some order

Checklists and tidying up help

At the core I think I am tired and just need to talk to someone that I feel gets me

A lot of my friends and people from my past lives and current have gone down such different lives that they don’t get me

Especially with this quarantine – I don’t know any other graduate that chose to stay

When I get out I’m going to need some time to adjust to the new normal

The new normal being just normal, as COVID is not that much of a thing here

Maybe then I’ll be able to sleep well

Rid of nightmares full of zombies and storms and catastrophe

But until then, I’ll build my home each day I am here

E

Dirty Dancing |Pulled Pork

I’m on a plane back home

I’ve been talking about this plane flight back home for a while

Hannah drove me to the airport

The most sentimental in my feels drive of my life

I think three days ago we went to a party together

That was a ton of fun

Played rage cage and king’s cup and piccolo

What was wack was I was there with Hannah but my ex was there

And so was hers

She said she liked that and liked being touchy around in front of them and I really liked that lmao

Idk I just like it when girls are like that

It’s kinda fucking badass

A don’t fuck with me attitude I like that she has that

Straight COVID and that night we were like kissing in a circle

Just standing around topless or without pants lmao my guy was shotgunning one the porch

Just a good night you know

We go back to her place – I had a fucking headache for real but we still had a good night there too

The thing is right

I’m blurry on what actually happened these days

Partly because of weed and alcohol and memory loss

Partly because all my days have started and ended in the same way

Just the same room, some crazy sex at night and in the morning, the cat meowing way to early in the morning, cuddling, and just generally fucking around

The in between afternoon part of the days has been mainly Terrace House

Sprinkled with some getting stuff done with fondue – our website is now up

I’ve been distracted by this girl

Since she’s come back she’s all I’ve been thinking about

I guess even from before she came back

We’re honestly very, very similar to like weird details

Last night I got super high because it was my last night here with weed

Daniel was over too and we watched midnight gospel – episode that was about like rebirth and learning a lesson

She’s just the right kind of wild – very wild haha

But also thoughtful and smart and short attention span and accomplished and humble and shy and likes musicals but also sports

We talked about what our kids would be like

She wants mixed kids – honestly I would love mixed kids too

She said our kids would be attractive – would be pretty fit

She was talking about how she’s noticed me looking better – I told her it was because the weight room opened

Look how my blog posts have been so fixated on her

While the world has been so much other things with COVID, rioting, my three Chinese roommates, me getting home

I’m stuck on her

She’s been my life these past couple of weeks – I feel like I’ve been in some sort of trance

Probably because we’re having so much fucking sex but also just I love how goofy she is

I thought I wasn’t as goofy at first, but once I kinda found that in me

She’s super fun to just like be stupid with haha I love it when we call each other stupid

Went to the pool today, she was there drinking a white claw shortly after too

Oh lmao we went on a date a couple of nights ago – a drive in movie

It was a replacement for the night before that got rained out

The night before we just made do by going to the party

But for that night we watched Moonrise Kingdom (kinda)

Mostly just sat in the trunk and ate candy and cuddled and said sweet things to each other

Honestly could do all this forever like we’ve been having so much fun

And I’ve been so fucking tired but happy but like actually happy

That’s what I’ve been saying is it’s been a trance- I have kinda forgotten what the sadness of the COVID / quarantine felt like

She made me feel like life again but it was just us

We didn’t have any friends to get back to, any social circles, any work really- it was JUST US

And we got to know each other completely outside of the places we would regularly get to know each other

I don’t know where this will go but I want to keep talking to her I think I do really like her

Was unsure at first but like I said- we are similar in a lot of weird unconventional ways

Especially how we don’t fit in exactly one group- we are many different things smashed into one

I liked when we talked about how our kids would be super smart and good looking and attractive and just amazing

Going home will be weird because I truly want to start a new life

Six months is a long time – but is it if it is still inherently a pit stop?

Jesus lmao “is it if it is”

I’m still coming back to America and the thing is, I could go where she’s going

I could start my job search there

We’ll see where everything goes

Freak by Doja Cat is such a good song, only on SoundCloud, but unfortunately as Hannah keeps telling me, Doja Cat is cancelled

What’s weird is my ex talked to me about all this Tik Tok shit and I was like bleh, probably bc she is younger

And now that it’s from Hannah, who is older I’m just eating that shit up

She really does turn me on and soothe me and I don’t know how much that matters

We haven’t been mad at each other but it doesn’t seem like we would be for long

I’m wearing a sweater right now

Dark blue / navy waffle texture that I got in Japan to replace the one I just yeeted at the basketball court and dad got on film

I wore the sweater for our date and it was in her red Jeep for a day or two

When I pulled it out of my bag it smelled so mu like her Jeep and her mentos that I straight cried man

Don’t know if this girl is a phase but I do have feelings and I know she does for me too

We’ll figure it out 🙂 first things first- I gotta get home!

Dirty Dancing |Pulled Pork

I’m on a plane back home

I’ve been talking about this plane flight back home for a while

Hannah drove me to the airport

The most sentimental in my feels drive of my life

I think three days ago we went to a party together

That was a ton of fun

Played rage cage and king’s cup and piccolo

What was wack was I was there with Hannah but my ex was there

And so was hers

She said she liked that and liked being touchy around in front of them and I really liked that lmao

Idk I just like it when girls are like that

It’s kinda fucking badass

A don’t fuck with me attitude I like that she has that

Straight COVID and that night we were like kissing in a circle

Just standing around topless or without pants lmao my guy was shotgunning one the porch

Just a good night you know

We go back to her place – I had a fucking headache for real but we still had a good night there too

The thing is right

I’m blurry on what actually happened these days

Partly because of weed and alcohol and memory loss

Partly because all my days have started and ended in the same way

Just the same room, some crazy sex at night and in the morning, the cat meowing way to early in the morning, cuddling, and just generally fucking around

The in between afternoon part of the days has been mainly Terrace House

Sprinkled with some getting stuff done with fondue – our website is now up

I’ve been distracted by this girl

Since she’s come back she’s all I’ve been thinking about

I guess even from before she came back

We’re honestly very, very similar to like weird details

Last night I got super high because it was my last night here with weed

Daniel was over too and we watched midnight gospel – episode that was about like rebirth and learning a lesson

She’s just the right kind of wild – very wild haha

But also thoughtful and smart and short attention span and accomplished and humble and shy and likes musicals but also sports

We talked about what our kids would be like

She wants mixed kids – honestly I would love mixed kids too

She said our kids would be attractive – would be pretty fit

She was talking about how she’s noticed me looking better – I told her it was because the weight room opened

Look how my blog posts have been so fixated on her

While the world has been so much other things with COVID, rioting, my three Chinese roommates, me getting home

I’m stuck on her

She’s been my life these past couple of weeks – I feel like I’ve been in some sort of trance

Probably because we’re having so much fucking sex but also just I love how goofy she is

I thought I wasn’t as goofy at first, but once I kinda found that in me

She’s super fun to just like be stupid with haha I love it when we call each other stupid

Went to the pool today, she was there drinking a white claw shortly after too

Oh lmao we went on a date a couple of nights ago – a drive in movie

It was a replacement for the night before that got rained out

The night before we just made do by going to the party

But for that night we watched Moonrise Kingdom (kinda)

Mostly just sat in the trunk and ate candy and cuddled and said sweet things to each other

Honestly could do all this forever like we’ve been having so much fun

And I’ve been so fucking tired but happy but like actually happy

That’s what I’ve been saying is it’s been a trance- I have kinda forgotten what the sadness of the COVID / quarantine felt like

She made me feel like life again but it was just us

We didn’t have any friends to get back to, any social circles, any work really- it was JUST US

And we got to know each other completely outside of the places we would regularly get to know each other

I don’t know where this will go but I want to keep talking to her I think I do really like her

Was unsure at first but like I said- we are similar in a lot of weird unconventional ways

Especially how we don’t fit in exactly one group- we are many different things smashed into one

I liked when we talked about how our kids would be super smart and good looking and attractive and just amazing

Going home will be weird because I truly want to start a new life

Six months is a long time – but is it if it is still inherently a pit stop?

Jesus lmao “is it if it is”

I’m still coming back to America and the thing is, I could go where she’s going

I could start my job search there

We’ll see where everything goes

Freak by Doja Cat is such a good song, only on SoundCloud, but unfortunately as Hannah keeps telling me, Doja Cat is cancelled

What’s weird is my ex talked to me about all this Tik Tok shit and I was like bleh, probably bc she is younger

And now that it’s from Hannah, who is older I’m just eating that shit up

She really does turn me on and soothe me and I don’t know how much that matters

We haven’t been mad at each other but it doesn’t seem like we would be for long

I’m wearing a sweater right now

Dark blue / navy waffle texture that I got in Japan to replace the one I just yeeted at the basketball court and dad got on film

I wore the sweater for our date and it was in her red Jeep for a day or two

When I pulled it out of my bag it smelled so mu like her Jeep and her mentos that I straight cried man

Don’t know if this girl is a phase but I do have feelings and I know she does for me too

We’ll figure it out 🙂 first things first- I gotta get home!