Lowland Architect

I went to the zoo today

My head hurts a lot

Came back at like 8 and just passed out

I don’t know if I’m satisfied with my life right now

I’m not controlling a lot of what is bad and I feel stagnant

I need to move out truly if I want to spread my wings

I think I like being like a journalist reporter sort of thing

Hearing people’s stories

I’ve been staying consistent on the web dev so hopefully I’ll have the tools to create some cool shit

I know no code is coming but I hate it

I sort of wish my life was different, like I had a cushy job in America or whatever

But today I got to go to the zoo with my best friend and his girl who has become one of my good friends too

And I wouldn’t be able to be spending this much time with them

Or meet so many new people

Have a lot of stories to tell about this time

All written down here I guess

The paradigms that I subscribed to in the States are fading a bit

Like the expectation to have a good job and shit

Read Psychology of Money today and there was a section in the back about the history of consumerism

And it was talking about how the middle class expects to live like the elite

Antiquated expectations from a better postwar period

I feel like I am stuck in the same mental model

You can’t change the world by playing someone else’s game

The cushy job life isn’t my game right now

I need to live this part of my story

The zoo was fun but it felt empty a bit

Because I was third wheeling probably haha

I just want a companion

I’ve said this again and again and I thought this today

That I feel like I wouldn’t mind getting married early?

Think it’s just hard to find someone I know I want to do that with

My friend said that every time he goes to the zoo he realizes he’s a child

I think I’m the opposite every time I go to the zoo I want a child to bring haha

Then we met up with my other friend

Of whom I had a crush on but has a boyfriend

We went to the area where I grew up really

Elementary middle and one year of high school

Ate salty water chicken lol that’s what it’s called in Chinese

And turkey rice

Both places do good they define what those dishes mean to me

The people remember me too

I went to the chicken place as a middle schooler and it was just this one dude with this huge bowl

Half of a storefront like a hole in the wall

Now he has the entire storefront it’s wild

My head hurts like hell and I think it’s because I spent the day wearing my mask

For real cannot breathe properly with that on

My leg is still bothering me I’m resting my back

I’ve lost a ton of weight

Gotten skinny and I’m just learning to accept it! Learn to accept this life too

And just love me as who I am

Try and find the things that I enjoy doing

I found this reading space – they don’t want to call it a cafe

I just really enjoyed the vibe

I introduced myself to the owners and learned their story

Learned that the space is really just a passion project of a woman who loves reading and watching movies and

I love that

My story is one of art and intimate moments – human connection

That’s what I live for – and friends

Oh man when was the last time I wrote in here?

Christmas was wild. Had lunch with family at the Japanese place we always eat at with big bowls with very little portions of sashimi

Then at night friends were drinking – one drank so much she was completely gone

I was high too and she wanted to make out but her boyfriend was there

Crazy shit ended up kissing her it was just so wild

Then she ended up in the hospital bleeding from her head slipping in the shower drunk

The other day this girl I had a crush on – who has a boyfriend

In the club in Taipei RUF and she was puking in the restroom

She drunk called me and I ended up helping her and talking her all the way home

Probably the simpiest shit I’ve done in a while

Pool with friends and Baba Kevin’s barbecue with friends the day before I think?

But all of this shit all of these stories wouldn’t have been a thing if I was in the states just living the life I thought I would be

I will look back and end up being appreciative for sure

Just so badly want to get back in the gym and working out

Also really really want a job but that will also come in due time

Think what I want the most is someone to just have

Talking to like 5 girls and that’s just not it

Just one partner in crime would be great haha but in due time I guess

Talking at a university tmr and stressed, but just going to remember to be myself

I’ll be fine! Life is beauti

Sweet Home HONK

Started this chapter I think coming down south with mom

Went up for a day for Emily and Thomas’s birthday

Had burgers, rented an AirBnb, we broke the damn sofa, had some chocolate cake

I was hella tired and a bit high

Took a picture with this black penguin thing

Memories are fleeting man I don’t even remember much what we were talking about

Oh but that day I met up with Lara and Allen too

Got bit by a shit ton of mosquitoes at Bitan- swan stepping boat and pool at Ximen

Okay but then with mom we went down south

No space so we had to stand

I was kind of mad at her for some reason – ah it was because dad

We were going to go down and have an early Christmas celebration together

Dad was conducting at a church we used to go to and I remembered this girl

She really glowed up and i just wanted to see her apparently she wanted to see me too

But all of a sudden dad was like “I don’t want to stay after conducting”

Which made me super upset – mom too- because we wanted to celebrate something as a family

I had this whole talk discussion with her even encouraging her to literally get divorced

I just kind of had enough there had been a lot of turbulence, they weren’t living together

So we were headed down on the high speed rail and I was kind of mad- more upset when she didn’t know the PIN to her credit card

Small thing but it’s something that I struggled with when I went to America

Just frustrating to see that she is always stonewalled by the simplest of technology

And I’ve had to like push my way though – I hate getting reminded that I was so far behind

Busy day so we didn’t have any seats we kind of just stood

I peeked at her phone and saw that my old friend Emily had messaged her

And apparently it was a surprise for me and I ruined it haha we had a laugh after that

The Christmas celebration was nice – familiar faces at the church we used to go to

Dad ended up staying, there was a play by the youth group, mom cried because an old pastor passed away and the elder community sang

It was nice! And I got to see the girl and we took a picture and my parents think we look amazing together

They also think she’s too good for me hahaha – so do I

So then the day after we head down to another city

Spent one day with a Houston based family friend’s family – had seafood and stuff

Spa thing with dad at night

Then the next day went to this island next to the city and ate with a pastor for lunch and dinner

Super nice couple – dinner was at a place with a carousel by the water

The whole time my back was hurting – the day before too

So bad – and only because I did some push ups and tricep work

I think my body just overreacts – had to take Iburprofen both days to calm down

Had to take breaks during long meals with our hosts – sitting made it worse

Second day was nice there was a light show which was amazing – better than fireworks

Spa again with dad lmao

It was nice actually the family trip

The next day we went to see grandma after eating beef noodles with the pastor and his wife – his wife bought me tea that I liked

Amazingly nice people and I connected with the pastor through being in a tough job searching period

Went to see grandma after that – haven’t seen her since I’ve come here

Stocks have been insane these couple of days – it can’t be this good and I’m trying to learn more so I can do fine when everything settles

Grandma is still good but definitely older – tried to make conversation for the 3 hours we were there

Her TV got cut so she literally read the Bible for like months bc she didn’t have anything to watch lmaooo

Got home and scheduled to pick my friend up

She stayed the night and honestly it was super fun

Got high and watched this new horror Korean show on Netflix, as well as some Spongebob

Messed around and stayed responsible lmaoo

Was just nice to have company and cuddle for sure

Woke up late and drove to a department store to eat my fav – Ootoya

She wanted me to get an ear piercing haha but I will get that soon at some point

Back literally aching today from some push ups yesterday and my abs sore from like just fooling around???? Lol

Worked at a Louisa cafe for a long time – learning about like user authentication and tokens, bcrypt and jwt

She picked me up again with her little brother just to take me to dinner – the two of them didn’t even eat anything LOL

I’m forgetting my body was not right – just need to get my leg back to speed and my back calmed down

I think my stomach is a lot better so that is good

Job search is still tough – talked to Travis for a long time and he thinks teaching kids code makes a lot of sense so

Co founder of YouTube – Steve- is here and I want get to know him

Just alone in my apartment right now- did feel lonely with her yesterday and now without

But yeah good couple of days – family trip started looking to be a disaster but turned out nice – maybe parents can get along after all

Going to sleep – there is a new season of NBA basket

Purple Tunnel of Doom, Opera

I’m holding on man holding on

Been in Taichung for a couple of days

The last couple of days I was like preparing for talking to this company

Just pouring everything into it

Learning about real estate development, problem solving frameworks and such

Went to Taoyuan with two of my good friends

Met two friends there and had dinner

Had a mom come up to us and try to make friends with us for her daughter it was strange

We got high and ate stuff and watched Hell’s Kitchen that was fun

Did my interview and got a new one

First one was done at 12:30 AM second one was at 1AM

Still don’t know the results and am scared of checking my mailbox because I’m just I don’t know

I think I’m just going to get let down

So I’ve been doing a ton of that stuff over web dev but still making a lot of progress with understanding web dev

Connected front with back with server the other day

Getting more comfortable with understanding what is going on

Want to learn how to use firebase and stuff too

But doing project structure, testing, and then user validation next

I’m a weird kind of lonely right now

In the sense that I’m just hanging by a thread haha

I love my dad and his assistant a hinga

A Hinga is a blast

We have gone to eat hot pot, get a haircut

My guy drives us around does the laundry it’s insane he’s literally just a butler

I hate how my dad treats people though

He finds it okay to kind of talk down on people and I always found that especially annoying with my mom

I do the same with mom and I feel like it’s because he set that example

But I love A Hinga I try to be nice to make up for dad

Have been driving a lot while interviewing to work at a car-less community company

Met this girl R and she’s interesting

Shy but the first day I got back met her at midnight and smoked with her and just chilled out at my place

Then have been meeting her a lot honestly

Had dinner before I left too at the mysterious curry place

The other day we went to this real nice cafe at like 10 – oh the other day was yesterday before my 1AM talk

And then today we spent most of our day together just driving around another cafe and malls and opera house

Just kind of looking around she’s really chill

It’s like what am I doing but also she’s fun

I just don’t think I’m in it for a relationship and think she likes me more

She’s speaker phone been on calls with her mom and her mom knows who I am by name

So do her friends so I don’t know

I guess my friends do too but not my MOM

Oh pepper lunch is terrible by the way they didn’t have water and we roasted the shit out of them haha

I miss my friends up in Taipei this feels like a fantasy world

Might be meeting her tomorrow again

Life doesn’t really have much here

I am watching NBA preseason

Lamelo just isn’t there yet he needs to bulk up and tighten up his shot and offense to really be an impactful player

He’s just not that ready right now but I could see him being really really good

Kids honestly huge

But waking up at 8 to watch preseason doesn’t really mean anything to me

Nor does just going to a cafe to learn web dev like that’s my only purpose in life right now

Finding a job in the states is impossible I don’t know how to do it

And when I’m bored like this at home I turn to porn and getting high

And I’ve been trying to really avoid both

Two days off porn but today was a battle and I swear I realized today how much of an addiction it is

My brain CRAVES it like crazy

It’s like u don’t have anything to fill in the time right now you feel like you don’t have a purpose come get a shot of dopamine here!

I love my mom but I still have an infection in my intestines and she’s just being annoying saying that it’s fine

Don’t know I want to see a doctor who will truly fix me and stay the course

I want this job so much I would pour myself into it I swear I would

Brought a 2025 admit to lunch and talked to him all about the challenges and excitement of college

Watched Prometheus what a movie

Okay well good night LOL going to talk to gold house to see if I can volunteer tomorrow

Shall be a blast I guess ahh I’m hanging in there man

Relationship with mom is at a low for sure I don’t want to stress her out and am apprehensive of being around her

But I’m trying to stay positive do the right things , keep the faith and love life man I swear I am

Eventually things will workn

X Park

can I write a blog post?

Definitely a weird period of my life

I’m wondering whether or not I would still be in this situation without the COVID

Definitely probably not

I’ve never felt so untethered

I feel like I’m on holiday but for life and it’s not good

I feel like I worked for a long long time and I’ve retired

But I need to find a job

I’ve been fascinated by quantum physics

Been watching a lot of videos learning that there are particles and everything is made of fields

It’s all very confusing but I want to dive into relativity next and read Einstein’s biography

Learned what the LHC was today too

Still coding and learning React / On Node now

That’ll give me some practical skills so someone can hire me haha and I can code somewhere fun

Implemented an investment strategy today

I mean I copied someone else’s

Lincoln from Bull Academy

And voila my portfolio is up like more than 100 dollars today

It’s actually kind of astonishing like once you have money you just have more money

But yeah I’m trying to be rolling in cash right haha

Idk

I’m just a bit untethered and lost

I am operating as normal but knowing that my body is still not fit

Mainly because I’ve stopped working out and people are starting to notice that I’ve lost weifjt

People be calling me skinny again

And I don’t like that

Did an electromagnetic test? Like stickies on my leg

Hopefully the doc says something tmr

Intestines still infected and I swear something is going on but the doctor just is stubborn

I do want a job, but mostly bc I want financial stability and an income

Like any income tbh

Went on a date today and got curry

She was pretty cool I don’t have anything like crazy to say

But I enjoyed her vibe and definitely felt potential for more hangouts

I’ve been high and I’ve been slipping

Porn addiction is so tough man

Especially because I experience it when I’m high

It’s just tough I can see how people overdose and shit

Been reaching out to more friends

Talked to my best friends girl person about their relationship and just switched into advisor mode

Was at Stoppage Time until 11pm

Found my friend freya in a nearby Dohua place and she gave me a corn flakes bar lol

And my best friends girl pal was crying but I gave her some advice that I think helped a bit

Hopefully haha

Okay I mean not too much to say

Ate lunch with dad and a Hinga

Steak at our favorite place – he got it cut up beforehand but didn’t like that

Been watching Final Plate with mom I don’t know if I wrote this down probably did

Still feel tension and anxiety from the incident

But less now – we’ve had some great laughing moments I don’t remember what we were laughing about

Something I said wrong but we were just laughing and laughing

Watched video of me in hs together

So things are generally good I think my mental health is fine

I’m surprisingly fine with being unemployed and everything

Time is speeding past I just feel like everything doesn’t matter anymore

I’ll catch up later

Spent the whole day just watching Naruto and then the date and dad but that’s fine

I’ll talk more about everything later gotta call a random stranger off Twitter at 9 am tmr lol

Night!

Friendsgiving Momney

Okay I’m going to write something

I don’t think my body has ever been this in distress for such a long period of time before

Physically and mentally

Mentally I’m trying to think positive and just realize two things

That I’m not going to die and I’ll get over this at some point so just accept the present

And two if I am going to die then that’s that and that’s fine but I’m still here

The pain isn’t excruciating but my god my back

And left shoulder triggering headaches

I got needles put into my leg and my neck the other day that shit hurt like a bitch lmao

I take that back it didn’t hurt that much as make it so sore

Just need rest you know I’m fighting to get my schedule back in order

Thanksgiving was nice had a little lunch with ama and Debbie and mom

I remember the rice was bad and clam soup was bad but mom tried an experiment

I told her I didn’t like family style meals as much because I had no idea how much I’d eaten, giving me less of a notion of how full I was

So she put everything on one plate for me haha so it seemed just like a normal meal

I thought it was interesting for her to remember and think of that

Smoked the day before thanksgiving

We all got together to hang out and we were watching YouTube videos made by friends

Shadow energies and shit

And then we were all definitely high because one of our friends had made some pornos

Very popular on the Hub, like millions of views

And we all just sat there and watched her pornos

Or like had conversations while it was happening in the background on the super wide screen TV

How fucking bizarre huh

Actually blew my mind that that happened when I woke up the next day

Thanksgiving day got back together with the same group and they got food from Costco and such

Was fun! I carved the chicken with help from YouTube, they made great mashed potatoes, there was pumpkin pie

I actually enjoyed my time with this group of friends

Then smoked again and played among us and mafia

Body wasn’t right throughout all of this – like I had a headache all throughout

But I was able to have a good time just by mentally not focusing on that

Day after went down to the other city

I met this girl at this dream apartment remember?

Met up again, this time we hung out with my best friend too

Oh and the night before we smoked – third consecutive night seems fucking wild now

How did I do it everyday for so long

The high from the pen is very two dimensional too – the herb is so much better imo

I miss getting a good fucking high from the grass

Anyways – we like got teas, walked around the rural lake park area, forgot to close a door, played HORSE at the courts, then watched the 2016 Super Bowl

Falcons vs Patriots the classic one

We switched to it bc we were watching Borat and I cannot with borat lmao

So yeah the next day just really studied while I was all foggy from the day before

And met this girl

One of these nights I was going home alone at midnight on a train

And I was in this almost empty carriage

Kind of surreal, still kind of high

And a lil cockroach just strolls down the aisle next to me

Hahaha gotta love it

Today I got back and just like went to the real nice library to learn

Reading about Steve Jobs

Learning about physics and quantum

Web dev learning is picking up actually I think I’m getting my bearings

Film and Spanish have stagnated a bit, as with cooking

Applying to jobs still

Oh and Lara is in the homeland now too how wack is that

I reached out after not talking for 5 months

Had a moment of realization that I’ve been here for 5 months

2 doctors tomorrow one for my intestines which hadn’t improved and one for my leg

We’ll see what they have to say but I have to just step free from these doctor appointments

Or rather I can’t wait until I get to

Yeah I had a realization of just how long I’ve been here

I need to accept that my plans have changed and it’s alright and I might just develop here for a bit

This chapter of my life has gotten me much more comfortable with the unknown

And operating even when you’re not 100%

So I appreciate it even through the physical pain

I also realized that I’ve had great times with some of my closest friends

As well as made a TON of new friends to be honest

Would have never had the opportunity to spend time with childhood friends and just hang out u know were just fucking around

We’ll almost definitely look back and cherish that aspect of this time

I’ll keep breathing fire and just trusting that everything will eventually fall into place

Watched Steve Jobs 2005 commencement speech today and he was like trust the dots will connect

I’m trusting