I’m back
Writing in this shit
I’m tired
Every time I write in this shit I’m goddamn tired
Or mad
Or angry
Or mad
There was a really hard week
It’s just a difficult time
Senior year hasn’t been the best
I’ve been sick with a cold
I’ve had to move stuff in and it’s been stressful
I’ve had a quarter of my molar taken out that I still need to deal with
I need to do my homework
A lot of homework
Weekly fucking homework like you’re done and now you have another due in 3 days
I need breaks
Because I’m applying to jobs
I’m also running a fucking escape room
And still trying to brand an entire department of the university
And Jesus Christ I’m worried about being alone
And single too
Like come on how am I supposed to manage all that
And in my head you know stupid ole me
Still thinking about my race vs the people around me
where I belong
Who I’m friends with
I went to NRG stadium today where my school was playing a game
Against a grossly overpowered opponent
Out of our league
And just where I was hit me in the face man
How unprepared I was when I came to the states
SO UNPREPARED FOR EVERYTHING
No one told me I was an international
No one offered much help
I just had to figure things out
Which means that better times are to come for sure
But man
Tough
My friends left me today and i was left alone
Sitting there for a while
Watching people around me have a good time
Joined two I had invited to the game and it was fine then
But they were older and I felt like it was a cop out for not getting along with people my age
Like why don’t I have a group
Why would my group just leave me there
All questions revolving around
Who are the people that actually care about me
And if no one around me really cares around me
Do I even exist
Or at least what is my existence
It’s tough because I do think people care
It’s tough man
I’m trying my very best
This is a low
I have had highs
Have had good times since I got here
Today brought some underclassmen to get pho
And gave them wisdom accumulated over the years
About referrals and GHC for jobs
Don’t know
Don’t know
I’m doing fine, but it is a low
I feel like life is starting to slow down
My emotions still get me
But I’m slower about it as I see more lows
Affects me less
But still the one thing that persists
Is the crushing feeling of loneliness and I don’t belong anywhere ness
And also something else I can’t remember now
Just gotta be myself
Be myself as much as I can
Wow this is a stressful time in my life and hopefully I get out of it great
And I look back and I’m like wow that was a stressful part of my life
How did I get through that
But I’m thankful I did because I’m better now
I don’t know haha
Met a girl asked her out but I’m not sure if it’s gon go anywhere!
But hopefully it’ll be fun at least and made a friend
I guess
Jeez