Roses and Lollipops

I haven’t been getting great sleep

Or great rest

It’s fucking 3 AM

It’s bad

I’m not in a bad spot

But arguably not in the best

Kinda where I’ve been since the summer

Just floating

Going all in for this job pretty much

Getting pretty serious

Too much work

I’m in like total 6 classes

Also trying to go to the gym regularly

I’m leading a brand new club

I’m applying to jobs that want me to write stuff

I’m trying to do branding projects on the side

And also trying to make friends and hang out

I hit a friend with a bike today

Also went to late night Yo-yos

This hot dog place

Don’t like it too much but it’s more about the journey

Been to a couple of parties

Was stressing about not meeting someone

That’s been a huge concern

Like I’m alone!

And I have a single!

I wish I wasn’t!

But I realized how stupid that was

How I was trying to be someone else

I just gotta be myself

Stay in my lane

Saw the visitors a week ago or something

I need to sleep

But interviews are really on my mind

I’ll get a job

Getting a little worried

But I will!

Don Draper

I’m back

Writing in this shit

I’m tired

Every time I write in this shit I’m goddamn tired

Or mad

Or angry

Or mad

There was a really hard week

It’s just a difficult time

Senior year hasn’t been the best

I’ve been sick with a cold

I’ve had to move stuff in and it’s been stressful

I’ve had a quarter of my molar taken out that I still need to deal with

I need to do my homework

A lot of homework

Weekly fucking homework like you’re done and now you have another due in 3 days

I need breaks

Because I’m applying to jobs

I’m also running a fucking escape room

And still trying to brand an entire department of the university

And Jesus Christ I’m worried about being alone

And single too

Like come on how am I supposed to manage all that

And in my head you know stupid ole me

Still thinking about my race vs the people around me

where I belong

Who I’m friends with

I went to NRG stadium today where my school was playing a game

Against a grossly overpowered opponent

Out of our league

And just where I was hit me in the face man

How unprepared I was when I came to the states

SO UNPREPARED FOR EVERYTHING

No one told me I was an international

No one offered much help

I just had to figure things out

Which means that better times are to come for sure

But man

Tough

My friends left me today and i was left alone

Sitting there for a while

Watching people around me have a good time

Joined two I had invited to the game and it was fine then

But they were older and I felt like it was a cop out for not getting along with people my age

Like why don’t I have a group

Why would my group just leave me there

All questions revolving around

Who are the people that actually care about me

And if no one around me really cares around me

Do I even exist

Or at least what is my existence

It’s tough because I do think people care

It’s tough man

I’m trying my very best

This is a low

I have had highs

Have had good times since I got here

Today brought some underclassmen to get pho

And gave them wisdom accumulated over the years

About referrals and GHC for jobs

Don’t know

Don’t know

I’m doing fine, but it is a low

I feel like life is starting to slow down

My emotions still get me

But I’m slower about it as I see more lows

Affects me less

But still the one thing that persists

Is the crushing feeling of loneliness and I don’t belong anywhere ness

And also something else I can’t remember now

Just gotta be myself

Be myself as much as I can

Wow this is a stressful time in my life and hopefully I get out of it great

And I look back and I’m like wow that was a stressful part of my life

How did I get through that

But I’m thankful I did because I’m better now

I don’t know haha

Met a girl asked her out but I’m not sure if it’s gon go anywhere!

But hopefully it’ll be fun at least and made a friend

I guess

Jeez

Labor Day Weekend

Wild weekend

Extended weekend

Slept at 6 for two days straight

One because of the first public party of the year

They played this song bulletproof

And I really liked it

Apparently it came out when everyone was in middle school

And was a free download for everyone’s iPods

For me it was just brand new

Then the next night went up to someone random’s birthday party

Met some people

Had a fucking blast honestly

Yesterday got Canes at like 1 AM!

Need to get back to my work lol

I’ve just been trying to hang out with everyone

Distracted by literally anyone that I bump into that I haven’t seen in a while

Led my escape room’s activity fair booth

As well as the interest meeting both went well

I’m excited for it

It’ll be good I think

I think I’m looking for like companionship

I think I’m ready to like date date someone lol that’d be cool

But also don’t want it to be too serious

More or less casual but also still exclusive probs?

About to get a cold

But maybe I can stop it

Meg up with my freshman from 2 years ago

He got into a bad relationship and just recently escaped

Some people are crazy

Wild shit happens

Watch them red flags I guess

Got a shake shack shake which was good but not as good bc

My tooth is still cracked and I am now getting sick

Cleaned up my room it’s a single this year

Pretty big one too

Good start to the year prob best start

Tired so gonna sleep I hope I get better tomorrow