Hey it’s another low
Pretty low low
Just a bad day
But maybe not really a bad day, just a combination of things that are unpleasant
I tried to take a melatonin pill yesterday without water
It kind of got stuck in my throat, I thought it went down the wrong pipe, I started panicking
Spilled water over my bed
Still couldn’t fall asleep then bc of the adrenaline
Then today at work I honestly got a lot done
But most of the people on my team were in another office
And I just don’t feel that close to that team
I feel like I should have been promoted during the reorganization
Instead, I got put on another team- basically demoted
Then they pulled me back up 2 months later
I don’t think everyone is happy with that – or I feel like people are making me know that I’m not shit in their eyes on purpose
I’m not sure
I looked back on some photos again
Honestly I was with some people I liked liked
But they didn’t work out
One because I was moving across the globe
The other because of her background and trauma and my bad response to it
These couple of months I’ve been trying to focus on cutting out addictions and being a better man
For a while I was getting better
In terms of taking care of my appearance, I’ve gotten new glasses, am thinking of lasik
Bought better clothes, started to work out at least twice a week again
Got a perm for the first time and everyone loves it
But in terms of the addiction to porn
It’s just been difficult
I’m learning all about addictions man
Crash course addict right here
I bought a porn blocker and have just found other ways around it
Memorized pathways to it become more creative
Found an actual girl and she just can’t hold my interest
Tough realization right?
Work then porn then sleep then work then porn work out sleep
Is that crazy?
And I am aware of it and I hate it so much and I will break out of it
I am not sure how many people are living like this
Today someone from work, in my team but like newly added kind of leader
She kind of talked to me like I wasn’t important
And I just hated that
There are deeper office politics but I don’t know if I am on the stronger side of things
I am taking Spanish classes
Thinking about Peace Corps
I should just get back to trying to get better
Sometimes I just run out of gas
Last week was a 6 day week with a makeup day from New Years
And I just ran out of gas
That’s it for today I am going to sleep- I just felt like I should write again
Because I know for a fact it helps
There was a big earthquake today, some balloons were popped
I’ve started to look into writing my own NFT tracker
And my favorite part of the January 1st new years was when mom bounced up to me super super happy when it turned happy new year
Tomorrow will be a new day
So I’ll brush up and start getting better then
Peas and Carrots 