COVID Doritos

Here it is old blog it’s time to write

I am once again in pain

In struggle

In depression

Woe to me

I feel as if my job isn’t progressing as I want – the company feels exceedingly stagnant

I feel as my relationship life isn’t amazing – it isn’t giving me excitement

I feel as my drawing and music – my art is still at the fundamental stage, so hasn’t yielded any fruit

I feel as I am still scared and insecure of things I have been for a long time

If not being able to drink alcohol

Of being skinnier and smaller

Of being Asian in western dominated spaces

Of being too western in Asian dominated spaces

All sorts of problems that I put myself into

I should take it easy

Nothing seems to spark joy

My best friend does, but he started hanging out with people without me

Which hurts

I had a falling out with another friend

I was not wrong, and she was in the wrong I believe, so I do not know how to mend it

She did send an email apology, maybe I should message her sometime

I need to make cookies? That sparks joy lol I need to learn how to make better cookies

The idea of hosting an Airbnb sparks joy

Hosting an event sparks joy

Acting in a play sparks joy

I want to do stuff not just sit at a desk

How can I do stuff and not waste my life sitting at a desk

To be honest being a consultant is very appealing to me I think I would love it

Mentorship sparks joy

I am just not living the life I want lol

Need to talk to Vicky about it

Should I go back to America and work in tech again? How would that make me happier lol

I need to do more art, but with more people?

Art doesn’t necessarily spark joy either tho if I take it too seriously

I need play u know

More importantly I think I need a stable role

If I have a stable role I can keep going

I just feel like my role right now is too unstable

I just gotta take it easy?

Rest, stretch

Why work out? To go on dates? Feel better about my body?

Might need to leave Dora to feel better?

Geez big questions

Leave Taiwan for a bit for sure I guess feel like a human again not just in an extended morbid COVID show

Sounds like a plan

Keep drawing Chuck though

I need to be around people, host people in experiences yeah

Figuring myself out I really am